I have a story to share about me, my car, a rainstorm, and a man named Governor Ted. This is a true story.
I was headed toward a community event put on by Starbucks. The event was to gather a large number of Starbucks partners, place them at a community centre in Toronto at the corner of Jane and Finch, with shovels, dirt, plants, wood, and trees. Our mission was to build a community garden.
The weather that day was the worse kind of April day you can imagine. It was rainy, windy and very cold. I wore big boots, a warm coat and a rain slicker and was ready to get dirty. I drove myself to Toronto and was meeting colleagues there. I remember driving right past the building, turning around in a parking lot and just as I was to drive down the two blocks my car slowly died. I was able to veer it off onto the boulevard and out traffic, but then all momentum was gone and I was stuck.
I called my friend who was already at the event and she came quickly. The parking lot I had turned around it was very close. I couldn't leave my car where it was. Together could we push it? Perhaps at another time we could, but at this particular time in history I was three months pregnant. I probably shouldn't be being pushing cars on a busy street in the pouring rain. I sent her back to the event and got back into my car with cell phone in hand ready to make some calls and find a tow truck. Before I could even begin my blind search for a tow truck another car pulled up and man got out and knocked on my window. This was how I met Governor Ted.
Governor Ted (this is how he introduced himself) was a man probably in his late fifties or early sixties. He was very friendly and jovial. It turned out, Governor Ted was a retired mechanic who still had a shop nearby. He proceeded to push my car into the parking lot I mentioned earlier, simply to get it out the way of traffic. I thought this is where his good deed would end, for that alone was so much more than I expected from a stranger, but his generosity of spirit did not end there.
He spent some time looking at my car. (Did I mention it was rainy and cold?) It wasn't too long before he discovered the problem - my fuel pump was broken. He made a phone call to a Honda dealership to get a quote on the part. He had me speak to the gentlemen at Honda to be sure I was getting the right information. The part was expensive. Governor Ted proceeded to call another parts dealer he knew and again got a quote, and again allowed me to speak to the man on the phone to hear the information myself. The second quote was cheaper. At this point I am feeling grateful to Governor Ted but still cautious. I don't know this man. I'm alone in a city I don't live in. Needless to say I had my friends down the road on high alert.
I spent the remainder of the day at the event with my cell phone close by. Late that afternoon Governor Ted called me. He had the part and was able to repair it in the parking lot. I met him at my car and spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the front seat while he works away on the fuel pump in the back seat. (It's located under the back seat) He was very talkative and chatted about his family, his homeland and his religion. During this time Governor Ted explained to me how he follows his heart, not his mind, when making decisions, like his decision to stop and help me.
Once the work was done it was time to pay Governor Ted and give him a great big thank you, but the ATM at the convenience store in the plaza would not release my money! Now I'm feeling a bit panicky. How am I going to give this man his money? I explained my situation to him and can you imagine what he said to me? He simply said to go home to my family and call him. He will give me his address and I can send him a cheque! I was overwhelmed. The doubt I was feeling throughout the day washed away. There was nothing dishonest about this man. He was simply helping a woman in need of help. Luckily I have a dear friend who lives in the city and she drove to this mall with cash in hand so that I, in good conscience , could send Governor Ted on to his day with the money he had paid for the part to fix my car.
It's been a few years since this happened and I still think of Governor Ted from time to time. I recognize I was not in a dire situation. Had Governor Ted not stopped I would have eventually found a tow truck and local mechanic, but it would have cost me a lot more money, time and not to mention headache. What I gained most that day was an experience of generosity and trust. I am grateful for this experience for it has made me think more about people I see in need. Sometimes the small gestures make the greatest impact.
Thank you Governor Ted. I am wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season.
Monday 9 December 2013
Monday 28 October 2013
Game of Thrones
It is time for me to reclaim my throne.
For too long now I have sacrificed my rightful place as queen of my castle. I have kept open the door to the throne room and welcomed the young ones inside when in truth, I long for the throne alone.
In the beginning I kept the door open for safety. I needed to be able to see and hear my young, to ensure they were out of harms way.
As time went on the door remained opened out of habit and comfort for the children, for they are at ease when they know the whereabouts of their mother.
Slowly I began closing the door, although I have not yet ventured to lock it. In fact, the door remains open a tiny crack so that should my children need me they can reach me quickly, or I can swing open the door and call to them if necessary.
This tiny crack however, allows for many breaches in privacy. Many times I have had to zip up sweaters, kiss booboos, settle disagreements between siblings all while sitting upon the throne. And the children are not the only creepers. The family's friendly dog will often push open the door for a loving pat on the head.
I have reached a new level of frustration and have decided to initiate the lock. I will also ensure the fan is on to eliminate outside noise and an ample supply of magazines will be at arms reach at all times. I look forward to this new phase of my reign and I encourage all of you to follow my lead if you haven't done so already.
Happy throning!
For too long now I have sacrificed my rightful place as queen of my castle. I have kept open the door to the throne room and welcomed the young ones inside when in truth, I long for the throne alone.
In the beginning I kept the door open for safety. I needed to be able to see and hear my young, to ensure they were out of harms way.
As time went on the door remained opened out of habit and comfort for the children, for they are at ease when they know the whereabouts of their mother.
Slowly I began closing the door, although I have not yet ventured to lock it. In fact, the door remains open a tiny crack so that should my children need me they can reach me quickly, or I can swing open the door and call to them if necessary.
This tiny crack however, allows for many breaches in privacy. Many times I have had to zip up sweaters, kiss booboos, settle disagreements between siblings all while sitting upon the throne. And the children are not the only creepers. The family's friendly dog will often push open the door for a loving pat on the head.
I have reached a new level of frustration and have decided to initiate the lock. I will also ensure the fan is on to eliminate outside noise and an ample supply of magazines will be at arms reach at all times. I look forward to this new phase of my reign and I encourage all of you to follow my lead if you haven't done so already.
Happy throning!
Friday 27 September 2013
Poison for Breakfast
Food is complicated.
It should be simple but in today's society food has become a complex issue.
A trip to the grocery store is filled with guilt ridden decision making. It can be a battlefield of affordability versus certified organic product choices. A mother of three with limited income can, and often will, leave the grocery store feeling proud on one hand for all the food she managed to purchase on a budget, but remorseful on the other for the possibility of pesticides.
I'm sure there was a time when standing in front of the apples in the produce department the decision was based more on cooking apple or snacking apple. Today I stand staring at the beautiful yellow apples from New Zealand but will ultimately settle for the small, sour Macintosh from Ontario because I am to buy locally grown right? Better yet, I should cut out the middle man and drive up the road to the apple stand and purchase my apples from my local farmer. Or am I to support international trade and encourage the export/import business? I realize New Zealand is a first world nation but what of countries that rely on the export of their products to support their economy? See, complicated.
All this without mentioning the challenge of getting a box of Lucky Charms through the checkout and into my cloth shopping bag before the other parents see and judge me. I usually mix it up with the organic quinoa flour and large bag of whole oats. I may even toss a package of bok choy on top for good measure. Because, yes, I let my kids have marshmallow cereal for breakfast sometimes, but I also make their muffins with quinoa and apple sauce.
In this overproduced market of fatty, salty food I try very hard to eat the right stuff. I will have a sandwich loaded with veggies on whole grain bread, but I may have a side of All Dressed chips with it, and dare I say....a Coca-Cola!
I certainly do not have the answers to save our society from this giant hole of terrible, dangerous food. And by no means do I want to return to the "good ol' days" of food preparation involving me with an apron and probably some sort of jellied meat.
I wish I had something really insightful and inspiring to write on the topic but sadly I do not. We have become a culture so deeply immersed in the capital world of profit that our food has changed. There is a lot of conversation these days about our food, where it comes from, what's in it. I'm glad. These are conversations that need to be had and I certainly hope it is not too little too late.
For now I will continue reading labels and buying food that is real. I will buy produce locally while in season but chances are I will still buy grapes from Chile in January. I will learn how to prepare more vegetarian meals because it is good for us and so that I can afford the ethical beef instead of the guilt-ridden beef. I will allow my kids marshmallows for breakfast and feed them raw veggies for lunch. I will continue to support local farmers and visit produce stands and farmer's markets whenever I can.
I'm trying to keep food simple at my house without ignoring the real issues facing our food industry today. No easy task. Right now I'm off to finish my daughter's uneaten peanut butter sandwich and apple slices. Our food is simple at our house but I didn't say anything about glamorous.
It should be simple but in today's society food has become a complex issue.
A trip to the grocery store is filled with guilt ridden decision making. It can be a battlefield of affordability versus certified organic product choices. A mother of three with limited income can, and often will, leave the grocery store feeling proud on one hand for all the food she managed to purchase on a budget, but remorseful on the other for the possibility of pesticides.
I'm sure there was a time when standing in front of the apples in the produce department the decision was based more on cooking apple or snacking apple. Today I stand staring at the beautiful yellow apples from New Zealand but will ultimately settle for the small, sour Macintosh from Ontario because I am to buy locally grown right? Better yet, I should cut out the middle man and drive up the road to the apple stand and purchase my apples from my local farmer. Or am I to support international trade and encourage the export/import business? I realize New Zealand is a first world nation but what of countries that rely on the export of their products to support their economy? See, complicated.
All this without mentioning the challenge of getting a box of Lucky Charms through the checkout and into my cloth shopping bag before the other parents see and judge me. I usually mix it up with the organic quinoa flour and large bag of whole oats. I may even toss a package of bok choy on top for good measure. Because, yes, I let my kids have marshmallow cereal for breakfast sometimes, but I also make their muffins with quinoa and apple sauce.
In this overproduced market of fatty, salty food I try very hard to eat the right stuff. I will have a sandwich loaded with veggies on whole grain bread, but I may have a side of All Dressed chips with it, and dare I say....a Coca-Cola!
I certainly do not have the answers to save our society from this giant hole of terrible, dangerous food. And by no means do I want to return to the "good ol' days" of food preparation involving me with an apron and probably some sort of jellied meat.
I wish I had something really insightful and inspiring to write on the topic but sadly I do not. We have become a culture so deeply immersed in the capital world of profit that our food has changed. There is a lot of conversation these days about our food, where it comes from, what's in it. I'm glad. These are conversations that need to be had and I certainly hope it is not too little too late.
For now I will continue reading labels and buying food that is real. I will buy produce locally while in season but chances are I will still buy grapes from Chile in January. I will learn how to prepare more vegetarian meals because it is good for us and so that I can afford the ethical beef instead of the guilt-ridden beef. I will allow my kids marshmallows for breakfast and feed them raw veggies for lunch. I will continue to support local farmers and visit produce stands and farmer's markets whenever I can.
I'm trying to keep food simple at my house without ignoring the real issues facing our food industry today. No easy task. Right now I'm off to finish my daughter's uneaten peanut butter sandwich and apple slices. Our food is simple at our house but I didn't say anything about glamorous.
Tuesday 18 June 2013
For the Love of Dogs
We have a new family member. He is 17 months old, approximately 65 pounds, a beautiful golden blonde colour and so gorgeous! His name is Diesel and although he has only been in our home two weeks he already feels like family.
Bringing a dog into the family is much like adding another child. He requires exercise, food, water, grooming, poo maintenance, extra house cleaning, and unconditional love. But what you get in return is immeasurable! Again, just like kids! On paper, owning a dog sounds awful. It requires extensive planning with regards to something as simple as a day long outing....will he come with you? Will he stay at home? Can we make it home in time, do we need to arrange for someone to come over?
Your house will never be the same. Hair will make it's way into ever crack and crevice, and meal.
We had a six month period between dogs and yes, my floors were cleaner, but I really missed my dog. The welcome I received from my Harley after a day out was genuine and full of love every time. The companionship on a walk, even down the street, was comforting and relaxed. The love he gave when I was feeling unwell or sad was heart-warming and uplifting. I miss that old guy terribly, and of course Diesel cannot replace him but he has already brought joy and laughter into our lives. There is no doubt in my mind he will be a great friend to me, my husband and my children.
We were fortunate enough to find Diesel through a family looking to re-home him due to personal circumstances. If you are thinking of adding a dog to your family consider adoption. There are many dogs out there looking for a home! I have included a link for a great rescue agency in the GTA.
www.uglymutts.com
Your house will never be the same. Hair will make it's way into ever crack and crevice, and meal.
We had a six month period between dogs and yes, my floors were cleaner, but I really missed my dog. The welcome I received from my Harley after a day out was genuine and full of love every time. The companionship on a walk, even down the street, was comforting and relaxed. The love he gave when I was feeling unwell or sad was heart-warming and uplifting. I miss that old guy terribly, and of course Diesel cannot replace him but he has already brought joy and laughter into our lives. There is no doubt in my mind he will be a great friend to me, my husband and my children.
We were fortunate enough to find Diesel through a family looking to re-home him due to personal circumstances. If you are thinking of adding a dog to your family consider adoption. There are many dogs out there looking for a home! I have included a link for a great rescue agency in the GTA.
www.uglymutts.com
Thursday 30 May 2013
Forest Bathing
Shinrin-yoku in Japanese, Sanlimyok in Korean
The term "forest bathing" refers to short visits to a forest for the purpose of relaxation and stress management. In Japan this is a largely recognized form of therapy compared to aromatherapy. Before I knew there was a term for it I always believed that time spent in nature, particularly wooded areas was therapeutic and I use it as a part of my life.
For example: It's a busy morning getting kids ready for school,the toddler is having one of her oh-so-lovely days, you didn't sleep well the night before, and you are simply feeling grumpy- for lack of a better word.
Solution: Pack a quick lunch, buckle the kids up in the van and head 20 minutes down the road to the conservation area. Go for a walk in the woods, have a picnic lunch. The result: everyone, especially mommy, feels calm, relaxed and happy. The toddler is tired and ready for a nice long nap and the older boy is ready for some quiet games while baby sister sleeps.
Another example: Again, a busy day (because what day is not busy), kids were crazy all day, housework dominated the afternoon, you and hubby got into an argument. You are feeling frustrated, overworked, unappreciated.
Solution: Put the kids to bed, find some trees and go for a walk. Spend the time alone to clear your mind not to plot revenge and/or escape. I guarantee you will come home a happier person.
Granted, going for a wooded walk will not solve all your life's problems but since we can't always make it in for a massage, or get away for a yoga class this is an easy way to wash away some of the stress that overtake us from time to time. A relaxed, happy person is much better equipped to face the challenges that life throws at us, so go for a walk!
The term "forest bathing" refers to short visits to a forest for the purpose of relaxation and stress management. In Japan this is a largely recognized form of therapy compared to aromatherapy. Before I knew there was a term for it I always believed that time spent in nature, particularly wooded areas was therapeutic and I use it as a part of my life.
For example: It's a busy morning getting kids ready for school,the toddler is having one of her oh-so-lovely days, you didn't sleep well the night before, and you are simply feeling grumpy- for lack of a better word.
Solution: Pack a quick lunch, buckle the kids up in the van and head 20 minutes down the road to the conservation area. Go for a walk in the woods, have a picnic lunch. The result: everyone, especially mommy, feels calm, relaxed and happy. The toddler is tired and ready for a nice long nap and the older boy is ready for some quiet games while baby sister sleeps.
Another example: Again, a busy day (because what day is not busy), kids were crazy all day, housework dominated the afternoon, you and hubby got into an argument. You are feeling frustrated, overworked, unappreciated.
Solution: Put the kids to bed, find some trees and go for a walk. Spend the time alone to clear your mind not to plot revenge and/or escape. I guarantee you will come home a happier person.
Granted, going for a wooded walk will not solve all your life's problems but since we can't always make it in for a massage, or get away for a yoga class this is an easy way to wash away some of the stress that overtake us from time to time. A relaxed, happy person is much better equipped to face the challenges that life throws at us, so go for a walk!
Friday 24 May 2013
Childhood
I recently read a book about childhood, more specifically about that time in ones life that teeters on the edge of innocence and cynical adulthood. It's called Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neil and it was recommended by a friend of mine. (Thanks Carolyn! Great book!) I mention it here because it has me thinking about the magic of childhood. For those of you who have read the book, or will read it you may think I'm a little crazy that it has led me to think about the wonderful things of childhood because the book itself is rather dark and sad...but for that reason it demonstrated the beauty of innocence and how too often it is stolen much too soon.
When I sit back and watch my kids at play and participate in their games I witness genuine kindness and goodness. I truly believe that children are innately good and see good around them. It has not yet occurred to the them that people can be deliberately mean and ugly, and when they do experience this it shocks them to the point of tears. How many parents out there have had their child run to them crying and proclaiming "Jimmy" was mean to them? As adults when someone is less than kind we shrug it off, because unfortunately we've seen enough of it that it is no longer surprising...still hurtful, but not surprising.
I learn from kids all the time, and not just my own but other children in my life and children I meet in passing. I know we can't hold on to the naivety and innocence of childhood forever but I will do my best not to steal it from my kids or let others still it from them. So play on kids!
When I sit back and watch my kids at play and participate in their games I witness genuine kindness and goodness. I truly believe that children are innately good and see good around them. It has not yet occurred to the them that people can be deliberately mean and ugly, and when they do experience this it shocks them to the point of tears. How many parents out there have had their child run to them crying and proclaiming "Jimmy" was mean to them? As adults when someone is less than kind we shrug it off, because unfortunately we've seen enough of it that it is no longer surprising...still hurtful, but not surprising.
I learn from kids all the time, and not just my own but other children in my life and children I meet in passing. I know we can't hold on to the naivety and innocence of childhood forever but I will do my best not to steal it from my kids or let others still it from them. So play on kids!
Tuesday 14 May 2013
Love Story in Big Heads
If I were to create an album that told the story of my love with Christopher it would mainly be in big head pictures. Before we were parents we took big-heads because we were often in a position where no one was around to take the picture for us. Now that we are parents we realize we never take pictures of just the two of us anymore; therefore, in a spontaneous moment here and there we turn the camera around a snap a photo of the two of us together. So here it is, our love story in big heads:
Windsor 2005 - When I was still Tasha Tower
Waterloo 2005 - Still a Tower, but not for long...
Stoney Creek 2005 - Our Wedding Day!
Toronto 2007 - Baby #1 arrives and a new love story begins.
New Years Eve 2007 - First full night away from baby
Somewhere outside of London, Ontario 2008 - Baby #2 on the way!
Niagara Falls 2010 - From two to three to four...but we're not done yet!
Milton 2012 - Baby #3 and it's a girl!
Milton 2013 - Now that we have three kids, eating dinner without them is very exciting.
Burlington 2013 - We don't get out much these days so when we do we tend to let loose. Here we are dragging our friends into our Big Head world.
New Orleans 2013 - This is us making the most of a rainy, final day in Louisiana.
To be continued....
To be continued....
Wednesday 1 May 2013
Reality Check
If you happen to have been at the Winners in Milton, Ontario this past Tuesday morning you may have seen a very confident, well-manicured mom with her lovely, well-behaved toddler walking sweetly beside her. This mom was put together nicely with a pretty, spring scarf and crisp, dark jeans. She was even carrying a latte in one hand while the other was holding the hand of her happy daughter.
But please don't look too closely, for if you do this mom's secrets will be revealed.
Her pretty scarf has crusty snot on it because she forgot tissues for her daughter who has a cold. The daughter also has a smear of old boogers across her cheek from her own attempts to clean herself. The happy, well-behaved toddler's red eyes also give away the tantrum she had moments earlier at the van which explains why she is walking and not being pushed in her stroller like the mom wanted. Once again the 18 month old wins the fight. This same mom will return home soon and hang her scarf on the hook in the front hallway, forgetting it is soiled and most certainly will wear it again even after she remembers the snot. She will also change out of her "good" jeans and exchange them for her "good" jogging pants. The latte is long forgotten and now she is having a lunch that consists of the crusts of a peanut butter sandwich and half-eaten cucumber slices while standing over the sink. The rest of her day will not be browsing through shops but most likely will involve wiping bums, cleaning something (although not well), and retiring to the couch exhausted by 8pm. Not to mention that before the day is over every member of her household will have farted on her.
Yes, this was my Tuesday.
The point of this little story is to demonstrate that things aren't always as they seem. I would argue that moms are guilty of comparing ourselves to other moms often to be critical of ourselves. This mom business is a messy one although we may appear to have it all together we most likely do not, or at least not always. I have great moments when my kids will be on their best behaviour and all of my clothes that I am wearing are clean and I will be looking really calm and cool, and those moments are real, but they are not the norm. I can often be found in truly unclean clothes while all three of my children are screaming (not joyfully) and I am anything but calm and cool. We should make a collective agreement to stop comparing ourselves to all the other moms and instead develop some universal signal that says, "This is my moment to have it all together, you'll have yours soon and I'll be a mess again".
But please don't look too closely, for if you do this mom's secrets will be revealed.
Her pretty scarf has crusty snot on it because she forgot tissues for her daughter who has a cold. The daughter also has a smear of old boogers across her cheek from her own attempts to clean herself. The happy, well-behaved toddler's red eyes also give away the tantrum she had moments earlier at the van which explains why she is walking and not being pushed in her stroller like the mom wanted. Once again the 18 month old wins the fight. This same mom will return home soon and hang her scarf on the hook in the front hallway, forgetting it is soiled and most certainly will wear it again even after she remembers the snot. She will also change out of her "good" jeans and exchange them for her "good" jogging pants. The latte is long forgotten and now she is having a lunch that consists of the crusts of a peanut butter sandwich and half-eaten cucumber slices while standing over the sink. The rest of her day will not be browsing through shops but most likely will involve wiping bums, cleaning something (although not well), and retiring to the couch exhausted by 8pm. Not to mention that before the day is over every member of her household will have farted on her.
Yes, this was my Tuesday.
The point of this little story is to demonstrate that things aren't always as they seem. I would argue that moms are guilty of comparing ourselves to other moms often to be critical of ourselves. This mom business is a messy one although we may appear to have it all together we most likely do not, or at least not always. I have great moments when my kids will be on their best behaviour and all of my clothes that I am wearing are clean and I will be looking really calm and cool, and those moments are real, but they are not the norm. I can often be found in truly unclean clothes while all three of my children are screaming (not joyfully) and I am anything but calm and cool. We should make a collective agreement to stop comparing ourselves to all the other moms and instead develop some universal signal that says, "This is my moment to have it all together, you'll have yours soon and I'll be a mess again".
Tuesday 23 April 2013
Young?
Young and old seem so far apart from each other it's hard to tell when we leave one hemisphere to enter the other. There is this enormous span of time in between which I hesitate to call "middle-aged" because that term alone holds such negative connotation I would much rather skip straight to old. What shall I call this middle time.....intermediate, transitional, middle....after a thorough thesaurus hunt I came up with nothing solid but I do like that it took me down a road full of synonyms such as versatile, transformable, and fluid. Those are great words to describe this time.
When I was younger, let's say twenty-four, there seemed to be a very rigid form to the way things would progress, as though there was a map of early adulthood and all I had to do was follow it to the land of happiness. Once I got there I could sit back and enjoy my life. I followed that path fairly loyally and I am indeed happy but by no means am I ready to sit back and ride out the rest of my life, quite the contrary. In my thirties I have more ambition, bigger dreams, certainly more confidence, and I'm ready to keep going. I may even feel younger, no not younger, but more energetic than I did a decade ago.
I accredit this surge of energy to several factors:
1. My work peeps (yes I said peeps) - I truly enjoy working with young people as my peers. I find the conversation refreshing and interesting. Our job does not require us to be too serious so we get to be a little silly and have fun while getting our work done. From my work partners, past and present, I have learned how to "meow" a conversation, stay relevant with music and "applications", and remember my oh-so-tiring-student days. I thank them all for the good times and just hope they enjoy working with me too. The last thing I need is to be the creepy old lady at work!
2. Family - While being a mom reminds me that in fact I am an adult it also gives me opportunity to play. I play street hockey, I swing and slide at the park, and I recently spent more than five hours at a water park. My kids are inspiration to succeed in life. Their dad and I are the first people they look to for guidance and inspiration (for now anyways) and I want them to see us always striving to be our best. While my children remind me of my adulthood, my husband helps keep me in touch with my younger self. We often transport back to out pre-parenthood days when we sat in a pub and enjoyed a pint (or two) talking for hours. We still do that; however, the pub is our kitchen after the kids go to bed, but it's all good!
3. School - I will sound like total nerd after this next sentence but I am fairly certain most people reading this already know that I am in fact a nerd and for those of you who do not know me, spoiler alert, I'm a little nerdy; therefore, I love school. I always have and always will love school. Since graduating university in 2003 I have returned to school more than once and I am currently considering more courses at yet another school. Knowing that there is always some course, class, or workshop out there keeps me motivated and excited. If I am ever feeling in a rut, I start looking to school and even if it doesn't amount to anything I complete the course with a sense of accomplishment.
There are probably loads of other factors in my life helping to keep me positive and excited for the next chapter, or the chapter after that, but the above three things certainly are the big contributors. For now I will keep on caring for the kiddies, having fun at work, reading and writing, and of course hanging with my hubby. I will do this and enjoy the middle and hopefully I will still feel this way when I finally reach old many many years from now.
When I was younger, let's say twenty-four, there seemed to be a very rigid form to the way things would progress, as though there was a map of early adulthood and all I had to do was follow it to the land of happiness. Once I got there I could sit back and enjoy my life. I followed that path fairly loyally and I am indeed happy but by no means am I ready to sit back and ride out the rest of my life, quite the contrary. In my thirties I have more ambition, bigger dreams, certainly more confidence, and I'm ready to keep going. I may even feel younger, no not younger, but more energetic than I did a decade ago.
I accredit this surge of energy to several factors:
1. My work peeps (yes I said peeps) - I truly enjoy working with young people as my peers. I find the conversation refreshing and interesting. Our job does not require us to be too serious so we get to be a little silly and have fun while getting our work done. From my work partners, past and present, I have learned how to "meow" a conversation, stay relevant with music and "applications", and remember my oh-so-tiring-student days. I thank them all for the good times and just hope they enjoy working with me too. The last thing I need is to be the creepy old lady at work!
2. Family - While being a mom reminds me that in fact I am an adult it also gives me opportunity to play. I play street hockey, I swing and slide at the park, and I recently spent more than five hours at a water park. My kids are inspiration to succeed in life. Their dad and I are the first people they look to for guidance and inspiration (for now anyways) and I want them to see us always striving to be our best. While my children remind me of my adulthood, my husband helps keep me in touch with my younger self. We often transport back to out pre-parenthood days when we sat in a pub and enjoyed a pint (or two) talking for hours. We still do that; however, the pub is our kitchen after the kids go to bed, but it's all good!
3. School - I will sound like total nerd after this next sentence but I am fairly certain most people reading this already know that I am in fact a nerd and for those of you who do not know me, spoiler alert, I'm a little nerdy; therefore, I love school. I always have and always will love school. Since graduating university in 2003 I have returned to school more than once and I am currently considering more courses at yet another school. Knowing that there is always some course, class, or workshop out there keeps me motivated and excited. If I am ever feeling in a rut, I start looking to school and even if it doesn't amount to anything I complete the course with a sense of accomplishment.
There are probably loads of other factors in my life helping to keep me positive and excited for the next chapter, or the chapter after that, but the above three things certainly are the big contributors. For now I will keep on caring for the kiddies, having fun at work, reading and writing, and of course hanging with my hubby. I will do this and enjoy the middle and hopefully I will still feel this way when I finally reach old many many years from now.
Wednesday 17 April 2013
Moisturizer Stress
There are many things I would like to tell my teenage, pre-mom self, such as; "Don't stress too much about your high school boyfriend-it's not going to last and that's a good thing." or "Enjoy size 6, your pain-free back, and ability to laugh really hard or sneeze without peeing just a little." It may seem a little trivial but I would also talk to my teenage self about beauty products, specifically skin care. Never did I imagine I would be so consumed over which skin products to use.
As I get older my skin loses some of its natural ability to hydrate itself. I can see the physical changes in my skin and I want to help it through this crisis but I don't know where to begin! I am not generally a big product person. I have very little make-up, one tube of moisturizer, and something to put in my hair. It's no wonder I am lost in the skin care aisle. Here is my dilemma: I am torn between my desire to preserve whatever natural resources the skin on my face has but I don't want to be suckered into over-priced products preying on my need to keep my skin looking fresh. The truth is I don't mind getting older and I accept that my physical body will go through changes, but do I let myself shrivel up in the fight to damn-the-cosmetic man?
As my current moisturizer comes close to an end I find myself once again standing in my local drugstore staring blankly at the enormous wall of skin care products. I pick one up, read the label and promptly put it down. Not because I don't like what I just read but because I don't know what I just read. It's humourous that I thought reading the ingredients was going to answer my questions. I have no idea what I am looking for after all. And another thing about this wall - it has this ability to make me feel bad about myself. I came looking to hydrate my skin, but as I browse I notice products for faint wrinkles, sun damage, red spots...well, I have those things too! I didn't realize they were a big problem until I saw countless products available to treat them!
Needless to say I did not buy a moisturizer that day. I will have to go back, and this time I will walk in confidently with a single problem to fix - my skin is dry. I will choose a moderately priced moisturizer to help me with this problem and leave with a sense of relief and optimism. Optimistic that I will love this new product and rid myself of the stress caused by trying to research skin care...until my skin changes again as it inevitably will.
As I get older my skin loses some of its natural ability to hydrate itself. I can see the physical changes in my skin and I want to help it through this crisis but I don't know where to begin! I am not generally a big product person. I have very little make-up, one tube of moisturizer, and something to put in my hair. It's no wonder I am lost in the skin care aisle. Here is my dilemma: I am torn between my desire to preserve whatever natural resources the skin on my face has but I don't want to be suckered into over-priced products preying on my need to keep my skin looking fresh. The truth is I don't mind getting older and I accept that my physical body will go through changes, but do I let myself shrivel up in the fight to damn-the-cosmetic man?
As my current moisturizer comes close to an end I find myself once again standing in my local drugstore staring blankly at the enormous wall of skin care products. I pick one up, read the label and promptly put it down. Not because I don't like what I just read but because I don't know what I just read. It's humourous that I thought reading the ingredients was going to answer my questions. I have no idea what I am looking for after all. And another thing about this wall - it has this ability to make me feel bad about myself. I came looking to hydrate my skin, but as I browse I notice products for faint wrinkles, sun damage, red spots...well, I have those things too! I didn't realize they were a big problem until I saw countless products available to treat them!
Needless to say I did not buy a moisturizer that day. I will have to go back, and this time I will walk in confidently with a single problem to fix - my skin is dry. I will choose a moderately priced moisturizer to help me with this problem and leave with a sense of relief and optimism. Optimistic that I will love this new product and rid myself of the stress caused by trying to research skin care...until my skin changes again as it inevitably will.
Tuesday 9 April 2013
Work it Out!
Exercise. It can be a dreaded source of torture or a welcome reprieve from our regular daily activities. It has been both for me throughout my life. I have gone through many phases of exercise regimens. I have tried jogging and even ran a quarter marathon, but I have never been able to fall in love with it like the joggers I know have. I've done weight training, step classes, yoga, pilates, swimming, and even TaeBo (don't pretend like you don't remember Billy Blanks).
I am writing about this now because in recent years exercise has grown in importance to me with regard to my over all well-being. Nowadays I look forward to my pilates classes and feel amazing afterwards, even if I felt like vomiting during the class. I recognize that part of this infatuation is related to those oh so important, not-a-mommy moments I crave. Pilates, yoga, or evening walks are a bit of an escape from the demands of motherhood and I make no apologies for that. It is an added bonus if I shed some pounds, increase my energy levels, and maybe even trim the underarm flab. The operative word being "if", because I am a coffee-doughnut, beer-pizza kind of girl and probably always will be, so chances are I will always rock a bit of a muffin top in my skinny jeans; however, I feel confident I can keep it under control and not allow it to overtake my belt.
The human body is designed for constant motion and in our sedentary society we need to make the effort and get up and move. I didn't always buy into this but since becoming a mom, and getting older, my health has increasingly become a priority. I'm not going to waste your time naming off all the benefits of exercise, we all know them. Health and wellness is a gazillion dollar industry ( I believe this to be an accurate estimation), so we can count on the information to be available and crammed down our throats at every turn. Part of me thinks we, as a society, need to see and hear this constantly, but buyer beware. Living a healthy life is simple. No big gimmick is going to correct our mistakes.
I like pilates, yoga, and walking. I can make it to one class a week because that's all my schedule allows. I walk every day. That's my exercise regime these days and know I can stick with it. I'm not willing to give up bacon or cake, and I don't particularly love my extra belly fat so I gotta keep on moving!
If you happen to live in the Milton, Ontario area I would love to recommend the studio I visit. The owner, Lori-Ann has created a welcome space with flexible schedules and a variety of classes. I realize this sounds like an ad and I promise it's not, but when I find something good I like to share!
www.oxygenpilates.ca
Wednesday 3 April 2013
5 Ways to Help Survive the "Mommy" Years
I had my kids slightly earlier than many women my age; therefore, I find myself surrounded by friends about to embark on motherhood. I don't generally give widespread advice, for I believe everyone's path is different and therefore requires a unique set of rules. Having said that, I have stumbled into some clumsy wisdom as I journey through life with kids. If anything I have learned will help someone else, well then I would love to share. There are countless lists out there to help new moms, soon-to-be-moms, and women who want to someday be a mom. Below are 5 lessons I've learned, not about breast-feeding, sleep training, or post-baby weight loss, but about how to avoid getting completely swallowed up in the crazy mommy world. You have no choice but wade into that world but you don't have to throw yourself into the deep end never to return to be a great mom. Stay you. You're probably pretty great.
1. Your BFF's are your PFD's
This doesn't only apply when you literally feel as though you are drowning (you will need them at those times, because there most certainly will be those times), but also through the good times. Sometimes you will need your friends to help you and sometimes you will need them to just chill. To go with the PFD analogy, your BFF's will save you from drowning but they also the best company if you just want to float in a cool pool with cold beer and laugh. If you are lucky enough to have friends from before you were "mom" all the better. These are the people that will constantly remind you, sometimes subtly, of some of the amazing things you accomplished in your past and are still capable of now. Hold on to those friendships, your life depends on it.
2. Get Outside
Sounds pretty silly I know, but it is so easy to get caught up in life inside the home, to school, to work, to daycare, to play-dates, to the grocery store....if you let it, every moment of your life can be spent divided between your kitchen, your ultra-cool mini-van, and work. Go for a walk. Everyday. Go by yourself, with your partner, with your kids, with a friend, with your dog. Just go for a walk. Go when you are angry, when you feel fat, when you are happy, when you are tired, when you are stressed...again, just go! I've never regretted a walk. It clears your mind and allows a chance to daydream or sort whatever crap might be going on in your head. It also makes you feel good. The more time you spend outside the better.
3. Care Less
I'll admit I stole this advice from a very smart lady I know. Please don't mistaken the "care less" to refer to your kids or their well-being. Of course you should care...a lot. This "care less" refers to all the stuff that gets in the way of the important stuff. The same women previously mentioned said it to me as I was complaining about my bad manicure. She just said "care less", and she was spot on. With regards to mommyhood, care less about what stroller you buy, care less about what the other moms are doing, care less about brand-name kids clothes....and on and on. There are so many details to parenting, if you keep it simple and try not to get caught up in those details you will enjoy the ride that much more.
4. Get a Job
I am not trying to start a work or not work discussion with that title. The "job" I am referring to can be a career, a part-time job, volunteer work or a combination of any of those, but do get a "job". Every family has a unique set of circumstances and by no means I am I suggesting a specific template to which you must conform; however, based on my experience and observation the moms with jobs ultimately are happier. And again, the term "job"here is malleable. It may be the financial autonomy that comes with work, the socializing outside of the family, or the sense of accomplishment that contributes to this happiness, but I truly believe work keeps moms feeling more fulfilled.
5. Keep the Home Fires Burning
The relationship you have with your partner pre-children WILL go through a major renovation, but it doesn't have to end in destruction. In fact, it can be better than before but it is going to take some work. The work is worth it. In the end you will have a partner that understands you better than anyone else in this world. He/she will love and respect you and you will love and respect him/her. Parenting can be gruesome and all consuming, but it can also be joyous and fun. It's great to have a partner with whom you can share all the ups and downs. And don't just be great to one another only to be great parents, do it to be happier people. Happier people automatically make better parents so be good to each other, and respect each others individuality.
I am still in the thick of the early years of parenthood and by no means to I have it figured out, but at year six I am way ahead of where I was year one. Good luck to all the people ready to take on this challenge!
1. Your BFF's are your PFD's
This doesn't only apply when you literally feel as though you are drowning (you will need them at those times, because there most certainly will be those times), but also through the good times. Sometimes you will need your friends to help you and sometimes you will need them to just chill. To go with the PFD analogy, your BFF's will save you from drowning but they also the best company if you just want to float in a cool pool with cold beer and laugh. If you are lucky enough to have friends from before you were "mom" all the better. These are the people that will constantly remind you, sometimes subtly, of some of the amazing things you accomplished in your past and are still capable of now. Hold on to those friendships, your life depends on it.
2. Get Outside
Sounds pretty silly I know, but it is so easy to get caught up in life inside the home, to school, to work, to daycare, to play-dates, to the grocery store....if you let it, every moment of your life can be spent divided between your kitchen, your ultra-cool mini-van, and work. Go for a walk. Everyday. Go by yourself, with your partner, with your kids, with a friend, with your dog. Just go for a walk. Go when you are angry, when you feel fat, when you are happy, when you are tired, when you are stressed...again, just go! I've never regretted a walk. It clears your mind and allows a chance to daydream or sort whatever crap might be going on in your head. It also makes you feel good. The more time you spend outside the better.
3. Care Less
I'll admit I stole this advice from a very smart lady I know. Please don't mistaken the "care less" to refer to your kids or their well-being. Of course you should care...a lot. This "care less" refers to all the stuff that gets in the way of the important stuff. The same women previously mentioned said it to me as I was complaining about my bad manicure. She just said "care less", and she was spot on. With regards to mommyhood, care less about what stroller you buy, care less about what the other moms are doing, care less about brand-name kids clothes....and on and on. There are so many details to parenting, if you keep it simple and try not to get caught up in those details you will enjoy the ride that much more.
4. Get a Job
I am not trying to start a work or not work discussion with that title. The "job" I am referring to can be a career, a part-time job, volunteer work or a combination of any of those, but do get a "job". Every family has a unique set of circumstances and by no means I am I suggesting a specific template to which you must conform; however, based on my experience and observation the moms with jobs ultimately are happier. And again, the term "job"here is malleable. It may be the financial autonomy that comes with work, the socializing outside of the family, or the sense of accomplishment that contributes to this happiness, but I truly believe work keeps moms feeling more fulfilled.
5. Keep the Home Fires Burning
The relationship you have with your partner pre-children WILL go through a major renovation, but it doesn't have to end in destruction. In fact, it can be better than before but it is going to take some work. The work is worth it. In the end you will have a partner that understands you better than anyone else in this world. He/she will love and respect you and you will love and respect him/her. Parenting can be gruesome and all consuming, but it can also be joyous and fun. It's great to have a partner with whom you can share all the ups and downs. And don't just be great to one another only to be great parents, do it to be happier people. Happier people automatically make better parents so be good to each other, and respect each others individuality.
I am still in the thick of the early years of parenthood and by no means to I have it figured out, but at year six I am way ahead of where I was year one. Good luck to all the people ready to take on this challenge!
Thursday 28 March 2013
Soundtrack
A song, good or bad, has the power to transport a person to a another time and place. I recently heard a song on the radio that had me sitting in grade 6, my friend Lisa by my side, wearing my white denim overalls. Extreme's More Than Words has that kind of power over me. There are others as well. Radiohead's Creep takes me to grade 9 in the cafeteria where the AV Club blared it everyday for a week. I find myself dancing around my residence hall in first year university when I hear I Feel Like a Woman by Shania Twain (I shared a floor with some wild and wonderful women from the country). When I hear Bedouin Soundclash's When the Night Feels my Song I think of my wedding day. It wasn't played during the reception and holds no real significance for the day, but it was playing on the radio as we drove to the ceremony.
Some songs and/or albums from my past are very pivotal. The Barenaked Ladies album, Gordon, was the first compact disc I ever bought, making Brian Wilson a part of my history....like it or not. That initial purchase led to many a pay cheque from Orange Julius to be spent at Sunrise Records. Other albums have acted more like background music, such as Creedence Clearwater Revival. It seemed they played constantly throughout my childhood leaving me with a score of music to remember my crazy family days when I still lived with my parents and brother. I am grateful for that. When I am feeling nostalgic, I know exactly what to do (or rather play) to take me back to a moment of my life I care to think about.
Music is important in our household; therefore, I am certain I will add some good songs, and some bad songs to my life's soundtrack. But even if music isn't something you spend a lot of time or energy thinking about I am confident there are songs out there that mean something to you, or evoke a memory. I am curious what songs stand out.
Some songs and/or albums from my past are very pivotal. The Barenaked Ladies album, Gordon, was the first compact disc I ever bought, making Brian Wilson a part of my history....like it or not. That initial purchase led to many a pay cheque from Orange Julius to be spent at Sunrise Records. Other albums have acted more like background music, such as Creedence Clearwater Revival. It seemed they played constantly throughout my childhood leaving me with a score of music to remember my crazy family days when I still lived with my parents and brother. I am grateful for that. When I am feeling nostalgic, I know exactly what to do (or rather play) to take me back to a moment of my life I care to think about.
Music is important in our household; therefore, I am certain I will add some good songs, and some bad songs to my life's soundtrack. But even if music isn't something you spend a lot of time or energy thinking about I am confident there are songs out there that mean something to you, or evoke a memory. I am curious what songs stand out.
Monday 25 March 2013
To Work or Not to Work...
Making the decision to stay at home with my kids for me was an easy one. Ever since my first child was born I have been plotting to find a way to make it happen. Now that I am at home (with a part-time job) I couldn't be happier. Life at home is more relaxed and balanced. Work, while necessary, has become almost fun. Although this was a choice that I feel fortunate to have the opporunity to make, and although I know I have many years ahead of me to put that university degree to good use, I still feel apologetic sometimes. As if somehow I've let down the women before me that paved the way for my generation to conquer the world. On the flip side of that I also find myself critical of women who have chosen career over stay-at-home bliss. Who am to I to criticize anyone? I think that we, both working mothers and stay-at-home mothers, should be supportive of those choices. Afterall, isn't the fact that we have the choice the important part? At the end of the day the kids will be alright. We need to stop the guilt, stop the apologies and feel good about our choices.
This "soap box" rant is a product of reading. I came across an article in the Globe and Mail this weekend that is worth the read.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/commentary/alternative-advice-to-high-flying-women-lean-back/article10199024/
This "soap box" rant is a product of reading. I came across an article in the Globe and Mail this weekend that is worth the read.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/commentary/alternative-advice-to-high-flying-women-lean-back/article10199024/
Saturday 23 March 2013
I Miss My Dog
A visit to my friend at her new house today left me thinking about dogs. She has a dog, her brother who was also visiting has a dog, my dad texted me on the way about a dog he wants....it was a day of dogs. I recently lost my lovely, goobery bulldog and miss him terribly. Life has adjusted without him but days like today bring back all the great memories but also the heartache of losing him.
For all the dog people out there I know you get it. I've included some pictures of our handsome Harley hoping to make someone smile. Give your dog a kiss and a snuggle tonight.
Friday 22 March 2013
Mommy Reads Too!
My reading log these days mostly includes Lego City, Ninjago, and Mighty Machines. I make sure we spend some time on the classics like Goodnight Moon and I Love you Forever as well. Reading with kids is great, we should all do it but if you are thinking of adding some adult material to the list, I'd like to recommend some great reads. Below is a list of five books I've enjoyed and hope you will too. This list is in no particular order and includes long-time favourites and new finds. Happy Reading!
1. The World According To Garp by John Irving
If you are looking for a book that you can pass on to the man in your life, this is it. This book is on my husband's list of favourites as well. It is a novel that takes it's reader on a journey through happiness, sorrow, and sometimes horror. I was mesmerized by this book and will be sure to return to it again and again.
2. Sarah's Key by Tatiana De Rosnay
This book was recently recommended to me and I am glad I followed through with it. The story is heart-wrenching so be prepared to feel pretty low at times, but it is a topic that deserves attention. The novel itself is well written but simple enough to read quickly, or in short increments without getting lost.
3. The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje
There is something about this book that keeps me coming back. It is wonderfully rich and complicated. The first time I read this novel I fell in love with the story. The second time I read it I fell in love with the language. It is so beautifully written it's poetic.
4. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
This is a very recent read for me at a very timely moment. The story is set in Louisiana and I so happened to read it while in Louisiana, which may be why it resonated with me. It is a story of love amongst women. It delves into the complicated relationships between mother and daughter, but also the deep bonds of female friendship.
5. The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
I love a story written from the prespective of a child. I love too a great story of resilience. This book is even more powerful because it is a memoir. A book worthy of your time.
1. The World According To Garp by John Irving
If you are looking for a book that you can pass on to the man in your life, this is it. This book is on my husband's list of favourites as well. It is a novel that takes it's reader on a journey through happiness, sorrow, and sometimes horror. I was mesmerized by this book and will be sure to return to it again and again.
2. Sarah's Key by Tatiana De Rosnay
This book was recently recommended to me and I am glad I followed through with it. The story is heart-wrenching so be prepared to feel pretty low at times, but it is a topic that deserves attention. The novel itself is well written but simple enough to read quickly, or in short increments without getting lost.
3. The English Patient by Michael Ondaatje
There is something about this book that keeps me coming back. It is wonderfully rich and complicated. The first time I read this novel I fell in love with the story. The second time I read it I fell in love with the language. It is so beautifully written it's poetic.
4. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells
This is a very recent read for me at a very timely moment. The story is set in Louisiana and I so happened to read it while in Louisiana, which may be why it resonated with me. It is a story of love amongst women. It delves into the complicated relationships between mother and daughter, but also the deep bonds of female friendship.
5. The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
I love a story written from the prespective of a child. I love too a great story of resilience. This book is even more powerful because it is a memoir. A book worthy of your time.
Thursday 21 March 2013
Not-a-mom Moment
Most of my days are consumed by child related activities. Everything from making lunches, changing diapers, driving to swim lessons....the list really does go on and on. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to have children so this is not a rant, nor is it a complaint, simply a statement of facts. Because my days are filled with mommy things I like to sneak in time everyday that is just for me. I call them my "not-mommy" moments. Yesterday my moment came quite late when everyone was in bed, but I managed to get in before the day was over. It's not often I get the TV to myself. I'm not a huge TV watcher so this is fine with me, but I must admit every now and then I appreciate the freedom to watch whatever I want. Last night I sat on the couch with a cozy blanket, a glass of wine in my hand and watched some mindless TV. I can barely remember what I watched but it kept me interested for an entire hour. I did not have to get up off the couch once, answer anyone's questions or negotiate the channel. I realize I am not writing mind-blowing, insightful stuff here, but I truly believe it's the small details in one's life that count in the end. I can't make it to the spa everyday so I take my mini "not-mommy" moments and enjoy them.
Wednesday 20 March 2013
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