5 Ways to Help Survive the "Mommy" Years

I had my kids slightly earlier than many women my age; therefore, I find myself surrounded by friends about to embark on motherhood.  I don't generally give widespread advice, for I believe everyone's path is different and therefore requires a unique set of rules.  Having said that, I have stumbled into some clumsy wisdom as I journey through life with kids.  If anything I have learned will help someone else, well then I would love to share.  There are countless lists out there to help new moms, soon-to-be-moms, and women who want to someday be a mom.  Below are 5 lessons I've learned, not about breast-feeding, sleep training, or post-baby weight loss, but about how to avoid getting completely swallowed up in the crazy mommy world.  You have no choice but wade into that world but you don't have to throw yourself into the deep end never to return to be a great mom.  Stay you.  You're probably pretty great.

1.  Your BFF's are your PFD's

This doesn't only apply when you literally feel as though you are drowning (you will need them at those times, because there most certainly will be those times), but also through the good times.  Sometimes you will need your friends to help you and sometimes you will need them to just chill.  To go with the PFD analogy, your BFF's will save you from drowning but they also the best company if you just want to float in a cool pool with cold beer and laugh.  If you are lucky enough to have friends from before you were "mom" all the better.  These are the people that will constantly remind you, sometimes subtly, of some of the amazing things you accomplished in your past and are still capable of now.  Hold on to those friendships, your life depends on it.

2.  Get Outside

Sounds pretty silly I know, but it is so easy to get caught up in life inside the home, to school, to work, to daycare, to play-dates, to the grocery store....if you let it, every moment of your life can be spent divided between your kitchen, your ultra-cool mini-van, and work.  Go for a walk.  Everyday.  Go by yourself, with your partner, with your kids, with a friend, with your dog.  Just go for a walk. Go when you are angry, when you feel fat, when you are happy, when you are tired, when you are stressed...again, just go!  I've never regretted a walk.  It clears your mind and allows a chance to daydream or sort whatever crap might be going on in your head.  It also makes you feel good.  The more time you spend outside the better.

3.  Care Less

I'll admit I stole this advice from a very smart lady I know.  Please don't mistaken the "care less" to refer to your kids or their well-being.  Of course you should care...a lot.  This "care less" refers to all the stuff that gets in the way of the important stuff.  The same women previously mentioned said it to me as I was complaining about my bad manicure.  She just said "care less", and she was spot on.  With regards to mommyhood, care less about what stroller you buy, care less about what the other moms are doing, care less about brand-name kids clothes....and on and on.  There are so many details to parenting, if you keep it simple and try not to get caught up in those details you will enjoy the ride that much more.

4.  Get a Job

I am not trying to start a work or not work discussion with that title.   The "job" I am referring to can be a career, a part-time job, volunteer work or a combination of any of those, but do get a "job".  Every family has a unique set of circumstances and by no means I am I suggesting a specific template to which you must conform; however, based on my experience and observation the moms with jobs ultimately are happier.  And again, the term "job"here is malleable.  It may be the financial autonomy that comes with work, the socializing outside of the family, or the sense of accomplishment that contributes to this happiness, but I truly believe work keeps moms feeling more fulfilled. 

5.  Keep the Home Fires Burning

The relationship you have with your partner pre-children WILL go through a major renovation, but it doesn't have to end in destruction.  In fact, it can be better than before but it is going to take some work.  The work is worth it.  In the end you will have a partner that understands you better than anyone else in this world.  He/she will love and respect you and you will love and respect him/her.  Parenting can be gruesome and all consuming, but it can also be joyous and fun.  It's great to have a partner with whom you can share all the ups and downs.   And don't just be great to one another only to be great parents, do it to be happier people.  Happier people automatically make better parents so be good to each other, and respect each others individuality.


I am still in the thick of the early years of parenthood and by no means to I have it figured out, but at year six I am way ahead of where I was year one.  Good luck to all the people ready to take on this challenge!