Childhood

I recently read a book about childhood, more specifically about that time in ones life that teeters on the edge of innocence and cynical adulthood.  It's called Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neil and it was recommended by a friend of mine. (Thanks Carolyn!  Great book!)  I mention it here because it has me thinking about the magic of childhood.  For those of  you who have read the book, or will read it you may think I'm a little crazy that it has led me to think about the wonderful things of childhood because the book itself is rather dark and sad...but for that reason it demonstrated the beauty of innocence and how too often it is stolen much too soon.

When I sit back and watch my kids at play and participate in their games I witness genuine kindness and goodness.  I truly believe that children are innately good and see good around them.  It has not yet occurred to the them that people can be deliberately mean and ugly, and when they do experience this it shocks them to the point of tears.  How many parents out there have had their child run to them crying and proclaiming "Jimmy" was mean to them?  As adults when someone is less than kind we shrug it off, because unfortunately we've seen enough of it that it is no longer surprising...still hurtful, but not surprising.

I learn from kids all the time, and not just my own but other children in my life and children I meet in passing.  I know we can't hold on to the naivety and innocence of childhood forever but I will do my best not to steal it from my kids or let others still it from them.  So play on kids!

Love Story in Big Heads

If I were to create an album that told the story of my love with Christopher it would mainly be in big head pictures.  Before we were parents we took big-heads because we were often in a position where no one was around to take the picture for us.  Now that we are parents we realize we never take pictures of just the two of us anymore; therefore, in a spontaneous moment here and there we turn the camera around a snap a photo of the two of us together.  So here it is, our love story in big heads:

Windsor 2005 - When I was still Tasha Tower

Waterloo 2005 - Still a Tower, but not for long...

Stoney Creek 2005 - Our Wedding Day!

Toronto 2007 - Baby #1 arrives and a new love story begins.

New Years Eve 2007 - First full night away from baby

Somewhere outside of London, Ontario 2008 - Baby #2 on the way!

Niagara Falls 2010 - From two to three to four...but we're not done yet!

Milton 2012 - Baby #3 and it's a girl!

Milton 2013 - Now that we have three kids, eating dinner without them is very exciting.

Burlington 2013 - We don't get out much these days so when we do we tend to let loose.  Here we are dragging our friends into our Big Head world.

New Orleans 2013  - This is us making the most of a rainy, final day in Louisiana.

To be continued....

Reality Check

If you happen to have been at the Winners in Milton, Ontario this past Tuesday morning you may have seen a very confident, well-manicured mom with her lovely, well-behaved toddler walking sweetly beside her.  This mom was put together nicely with a pretty, spring scarf and crisp, dark jeans.  She was even carrying a latte in one hand while the other was holding the hand of her happy daughter. 

But please don't look too closely, for if you do this mom's secrets will be revealed.

Her pretty scarf has crusty snot on it because she forgot tissues for her daughter who has a cold.  The daughter also has a smear of old boogers across her cheek from her own attempts to clean herself.  The happy, well-behaved toddler's red eyes also give away the tantrum she had moments earlier at the van which explains why she is walking and not being pushed in her stroller like the mom wanted.  Once again the 18 month old wins the fight.  This same mom will return home soon and hang her scarf on the hook in the front hallway, forgetting it is soiled and most certainly will wear it again even after she remembers the snot.  She will also change out of her "good" jeans and exchange them for her "good" jogging pants.  The latte is long forgotten and now she is having a lunch that consists of the crusts of a peanut butter sandwich and half-eaten cucumber slices while standing over the sink.  The rest of her day will not be browsing through shops but most likely will involve wiping bums, cleaning something (although not well), and retiring to the couch exhausted by 8pm.  Not to mention that before the day is over every member of her household will have farted on her. 

Yes, this was my Tuesday. 

The point of this little story is to demonstrate that things aren't always as they seem.  I would argue that moms are guilty of comparing ourselves to other moms often to be critical of ourselves.  This mom business is a messy one although we may appear to have it all together we most likely do not, or at least not always.  I have great moments when my kids will be on their best behaviour and all of my clothes that I am wearing are clean and I will be looking really calm and cool, and those moments are real, but they are not the norm.  I can often be found in truly unclean clothes while all three of my children are screaming (not joyfully) and I am anything but calm and cool.  We should make a collective agreement to stop comparing ourselves to all the other moms and instead develop some universal signal that says, "This is my moment to have it all together, you'll have yours soon and I'll be a mess again".   

Young?

Young and old seem so far apart from each other it's hard to tell when we leave one hemisphere to enter the other.  There is this enormous span of time in between which I hesitate to call  "middle-aged" because that term alone holds such negative connotation I would much rather skip straight to old.  What shall I call this middle time.....intermediate, transitional, middle....after a thorough thesaurus hunt I came up with nothing solid but I do like that it took me down a road full of synonyms such as versatile, transformable, and fluid.  Those are great words to describe this time.

When I was younger, let's say twenty-four, there seemed to be a very rigid form to the way things would progress, as though there was a map of early adulthood and all I had to do was follow it to the land of happiness.  Once I got there I could sit back and enjoy my life.  I followed that path fairly loyally and I am indeed happy but by no means am I ready to sit back and ride out the rest of my life, quite the contrary.  In my thirties I have more ambition, bigger dreams, certainly more confidence, and I'm ready to keep going.  I may even feel younger, no not younger, but more energetic than I did a decade ago. 

I accredit this surge of energy to several factors:

1.  My work peeps (yes I said peeps) - I truly enjoy working with young people as my peers.  I find the conversation refreshing and interesting.  Our job does not require us to be too serious so we get to be a little silly and have fun while getting our work done.  From my work partners, past and present, I have learned how to "meow" a conversation, stay relevant with music and "applications", and remember my oh-so-tiring-student days.  I thank them all for the good times and just hope they enjoy working with me too.  The last thing I need is to be the creepy old lady at work!

2.  Family - While being a mom reminds me that in fact I am an adult it also gives me opportunity to play.  I play street hockey, I swing and slide at the park, and I recently spent more than five hours at a water park.  My kids are inspiration to succeed in life.  Their dad and I are the first people they look to for guidance and inspiration (for now anyways) and I want them to see us always striving to be our best.  While my children remind me of my adulthood, my husband helps keep me in touch with my younger self.  We often transport back to out pre-parenthood days when we sat in a pub and enjoyed a pint (or two) talking for hours.  We still do that; however, the pub is our kitchen after the kids go to bed, but it's all good!

3.  School -  I will sound like  total nerd after this next sentence but I am fairly certain most people reading this already know that I am in fact a nerd and for those of you who do not know me, spoiler alert, I'm a little nerdy; therefore,  I love school.  I always have and always will love school.  Since graduating university in 2003 I have returned to school more than once and I am currently considering more courses at yet another school.   Knowing that there is always some course, class, or workshop out there keeps me motivated and excited.  If I am ever feeling in a rut, I start looking to school and even if it doesn't amount to anything I complete the course with a sense of accomplishment. 

There are probably loads of other factors in my life helping to keep me positive and excited for the next chapter, or the chapter after that, but the above three things certainly are the big contributors.  For now I will keep on caring for the kiddies, having fun at work, reading and writing, and of course hanging with my hubby.  I will do this and enjoy the middle and hopefully I will still feel this way when I finally reach old many many years from now.

Moisturizer Stress

There are many things I would like to tell my teenage, pre-mom self, such as; "Don't stress too much about your high school boyfriend-it's not going to last and that's a good thing." or "Enjoy size 6, your pain-free back, and ability to laugh really hard or sneeze without peeing just a little."  It may seem a little trivial but I would also talk to my teenage self about beauty products, specifically skin care.  Never did I imagine I would be so consumed over which skin products to use.

As I get older my skin loses some of its natural ability to hydrate itself.  I can see the physical changes in my skin and I want to help it through this crisis but I don't know where to begin!  I am not generally a big product person.  I have very little make-up, one tube of moisturizer, and something to put in my hair.  It's no wonder I am lost in the skin care aisle.  Here is my dilemma:  I am torn between my desire to preserve whatever natural resources the skin on my face has but I don't want to be suckered into over-priced products preying on my need to keep my skin looking fresh.  The truth is I don't mind getting older and I accept that my physical body will go through changes, but do I let myself shrivel up in the fight to damn-the-cosmetic man?

As my current moisturizer comes close to an end I find myself once again standing in my local drugstore staring blankly at the enormous wall of skin care products.  I pick one up, read the label and promptly put it down.  Not because I don't like what I just read but because I don't know what I just read.  It's humourous that I thought reading the ingredients was going to answer my questions.  I have no idea what I am looking for after all.  And another thing about this wall - it has this ability to make me feel bad about myself.  I came looking to hydrate my skin, but as I browse I notice products for faint wrinkles, sun damage, red spots...well, I have those things too!  I didn't realize they were a big problem until I saw countless products available to treat them! 

Needless to say I did not buy a moisturizer that day.  I will have to go back, and this time I will walk in confidently with a single problem to fix - my skin is dry.  I will choose a moderately priced moisturizer to help me with this problem and leave with a sense of relief and optimism. Optimistic that I will love this new product and rid myself of the stress caused by trying to research skin care...until my skin changes again as it  inevitably will.

Work it Out!

Exercise.  It can be a dreaded source of torture or a welcome reprieve from our regular daily activities.  It has been both for me throughout my life. I have gone through many phases of exercise regimens.  I have tried jogging and even ran a quarter marathon, but I have never been able to fall in love with it like the joggers I know have.  I've done weight training, step classes, yoga, pilates, swimming, and even TaeBo (don't pretend like you don't remember Billy Blanks).

I am writing about this now because in recent years exercise has grown in importance to me with regard to my over all well-being.  Nowadays I look forward to my pilates classes and feel amazing afterwards, even if I felt like vomiting during the class.  I recognize that part of this infatuation is related to those oh so important, not-a-mommy moments I crave.  Pilates, yoga, or evening walks are a bit of an escape from the demands of motherhood and I make no apologies for that.  It is an added bonus if I shed some pounds, increase my energy levels, and maybe even trim the underarm flab.  The operative word being "if", because I am a coffee-doughnut, beer-pizza kind of girl and probably always will be, so chances are I will always rock a bit of a muffin top in my skinny jeans; however, I feel confident I can keep it under control and not allow it to overtake my belt.

The human body is designed for constant motion and in our sedentary society we need to make the effort and get up and move.  I didn't always buy into this but since becoming a mom, and getting older, my health has increasingly become a priority.  I'm not going to waste your time naming off all the benefits of exercise, we all know them.  Health and wellness is a gazillion dollar industry ( I believe this to be an accurate estimation), so we can count on the information to be available and crammed down our throats at every turn.  Part of me thinks we, as a society, need to see and hear this constantly, but buyer beware.  Living a healthy life is simple.  No big gimmick is going to correct our mistakes.

I like pilates, yoga, and walking.  I can make it to one class a week because that's all my schedule allows.  I walk every day. That's my exercise regime these days and know I can stick with it.  I'm not willing to give up bacon or cake, and I don't particularly love my extra belly fat so I gotta keep on moving!

If you happen to live in the Milton, Ontario area I would love to recommend the studio I visit.  The owner, Lori-Ann has created a welcome space with flexible schedules and a variety of classes.  I realize this sounds like an ad and I promise it's not, but when I find something good I like to share!

www.oxygenpilates.ca

5 Ways to Help Survive the "Mommy" Years

I had my kids slightly earlier than many women my age; therefore, I find myself surrounded by friends about to embark on motherhood.  I don't generally give widespread advice, for I believe everyone's path is different and therefore requires a unique set of rules.  Having said that, I have stumbled into some clumsy wisdom as I journey through life with kids.  If anything I have learned will help someone else, well then I would love to share.  There are countless lists out there to help new moms, soon-to-be-moms, and women who want to someday be a mom.  Below are 5 lessons I've learned, not about breast-feeding, sleep training, or post-baby weight loss, but about how to avoid getting completely swallowed up in the crazy mommy world.  You have no choice but wade into that world but you don't have to throw yourself into the deep end never to return to be a great mom.  Stay you.  You're probably pretty great.

1.  Your BFF's are your PFD's

This doesn't only apply when you literally feel as though you are drowning (you will need them at those times, because there most certainly will be those times), but also through the good times.  Sometimes you will need your friends to help you and sometimes you will need them to just chill.  To go with the PFD analogy, your BFF's will save you from drowning but they also the best company if you just want to float in a cool pool with cold beer and laugh.  If you are lucky enough to have friends from before you were "mom" all the better.  These are the people that will constantly remind you, sometimes subtly, of some of the amazing things you accomplished in your past and are still capable of now.  Hold on to those friendships, your life depends on it.

2.  Get Outside

Sounds pretty silly I know, but it is so easy to get caught up in life inside the home, to school, to work, to daycare, to play-dates, to the grocery store....if you let it, every moment of your life can be spent divided between your kitchen, your ultra-cool mini-van, and work.  Go for a walk.  Everyday.  Go by yourself, with your partner, with your kids, with a friend, with your dog.  Just go for a walk. Go when you are angry, when you feel fat, when you are happy, when you are tired, when you are stressed...again, just go!  I've never regretted a walk.  It clears your mind and allows a chance to daydream or sort whatever crap might be going on in your head.  It also makes you feel good.  The more time you spend outside the better.

3.  Care Less

I'll admit I stole this advice from a very smart lady I know.  Please don't mistaken the "care less" to refer to your kids or their well-being.  Of course you should care...a lot.  This "care less" refers to all the stuff that gets in the way of the important stuff.  The same women previously mentioned said it to me as I was complaining about my bad manicure.  She just said "care less", and she was spot on.  With regards to mommyhood, care less about what stroller you buy, care less about what the other moms are doing, care less about brand-name kids clothes....and on and on.  There are so many details to parenting, if you keep it simple and try not to get caught up in those details you will enjoy the ride that much more.

4.  Get a Job

I am not trying to start a work or not work discussion with that title.   The "job" I am referring to can be a career, a part-time job, volunteer work or a combination of any of those, but do get a "job".  Every family has a unique set of circumstances and by no means I am I suggesting a specific template to which you must conform; however, based on my experience and observation the moms with jobs ultimately are happier.  And again, the term "job"here is malleable.  It may be the financial autonomy that comes with work, the socializing outside of the family, or the sense of accomplishment that contributes to this happiness, but I truly believe work keeps moms feeling more fulfilled. 

5.  Keep the Home Fires Burning

The relationship you have with your partner pre-children WILL go through a major renovation, but it doesn't have to end in destruction.  In fact, it can be better than before but it is going to take some work.  The work is worth it.  In the end you will have a partner that understands you better than anyone else in this world.  He/she will love and respect you and you will love and respect him/her.  Parenting can be gruesome and all consuming, but it can also be joyous and fun.  It's great to have a partner with whom you can share all the ups and downs.   And don't just be great to one another only to be great parents, do it to be happier people.  Happier people automatically make better parents so be good to each other, and respect each others individuality.


I am still in the thick of the early years of parenthood and by no means to I have it figured out, but at year six I am way ahead of where I was year one.  Good luck to all the people ready to take on this challenge!