Just for a Moment

    I bought my first car when I was 26 years old.  I have been largely self reliant with transportation since I was 11 years old.  For fifteen years I took the bus, rode my bike, walked, or took a taxi.  What I miss most about those fifteen years...moments of nothingness.

    A typical day as a suburban, working mom with a car means I am constantly moving and doing something.  I drive almost everywhere I go.  I rarely have to wait for anything.  There is always something waiting for me.  I miss waiting for the bus.  Sounds ridiculous I know.  And for those of you who use public transit may think I am romanticizing times gone past, but I always did like waiting and taking the bus.  Now, this was before cell phones, Ipad, Ipod, Kobo.  When I rode the bus and subway I was often left to my own thoughts.  Sometimes I opened a book but more often I just sat or stood and thought.  These thoughts were not necessarily very deep, although sometimes they were.  Often it was daydreaming I enjoyed while standing on the corner of Barton and Wentworth, thinking of the glamorous life I would have when I was all grown-up. Ha!

    Today I still make time for stillness and nothingness, but even that sentence just sounds exhausting.  "I make time to do nothing."   My new reality is all about scheduling almost every moment of my life.  If I still took the bus I would automatically get those moments.  Some might say I should sell that car I bought 10 years ago (yes I still drive my first car), but I don't live in an urban area where I can rely on public transportation.  It's not as simple as that.  Nothing usually is.

    As I read over this post it does sound a bit whiny.  Oh poor me with the luxury of a vehicle and being able to go wherever I need whenever I need to.  I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. I am simply talking about moments of stillness that I miss.  I guess I will continue to create my own.  

A Thousand Words

     A single image can evoke tremendous feeling from a person.  In today's world of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, photos are shared instantly and constantly. The power of image waivers between completely inconsequential and totally reactionary.  I would argue; however, that it is not often the image but the viewer responsible for the reaction or non-reaction. Often what we see on our friend's Facebook pages can leave us feeling unimportant or perhaps how our life is so boring compared to others.  What we need to recognize is that these insta-photos are but a mere second in a persons life.  One photo cannot properly depict the truth in a persons life, yet more and more we judge the happiness of people based on their shared photos.

     I do not deny the genuine joy and beauty displayed in these images.  Quite often I am taken by a moment of absolute bliss and I impulsively reach for a camera or phone so that I can capture the moment, although I am almost always disappointed with the result.  Rarely can a recorded image truly capture the feeling I was experiencing at the moment it was taken.   Nevertheless, I take the photo anyway and share it with the world.

     I am not alone.  Everyday I open my Facebook page to pictures of beautiful, happy children, delicious meals, joyous couples in a loving embrace, and so on.  I could wallow in envy at the amazing lives being enjoyed by all those around me but I know the truth behind the photo.  I know that for every gorgeous meal there are three  KD/hotdog equivalent meals.  I also know that for every picture of smiling children there are hours of crying, screaming, and poop.  There is always lots of poop when kids are involved.  And for every loving moment between couples there are arguments so heated that one or two people end it with tears.  That, or they live together for days in uncomfortable silence. 

      I in no way mean to discredit the magical moments people choose to share with the world.  I do not doubt their authenticity.  I simply take solace in the fact that they are fragments of ones entire day.  Beautiful, genuine, blissful fragments....but still fragments.  The rest of our days are often filled with mundane, unglamorous, and necessary tasks. 

    I will keep sharing my happy moments with the world.  I probably won't share too many of the dull ones but I just might share a few to "keep it real".  I look forward to witnessing more wonderful moments of my friends out there in cyber world so please don't stop sharing.  Let us all remember the thousand other words behind the happy photos to avoid feeling bad about our imperfect lives.  I will continue to appreciate the fantastic things going on in my world and feel happy for others who are also enjoying joyous lives, but I won't forget that the pictures posted are merely a glimpse.

Typical Wednesday- not particularly enjoying vacuuming the house.

Eating leftover, cold pizza over the sink between chores.

Governor Ted

I have a story to share about me, my car, a rainstorm, and a man named Governor Ted.  This is a true story.

I was headed toward a community event put on by Starbucks.  The event was to gather a large number of Starbucks partners, place them at a community centre in Toronto at the corner of Jane and Finch, with shovels, dirt, plants, wood, and trees.  Our mission was to build a community garden.

The weather that day was the worse kind of April day you can imagine.  It was rainy, windy and very cold.  I wore big boots, a warm coat and a rain slicker and was ready to get dirty.  I drove myself to Toronto and was meeting colleagues there.  I remember driving right past the building, turning around in a parking lot and just as I was to drive down the two blocks my car slowly died.  I was able to veer it off onto the boulevard and out traffic, but then all momentum was gone and I was stuck.

I called my friend who was already at the event and she came quickly.  The parking lot I had turned around it was very close.  I couldn't leave my car where it was.  Together could we push it?  Perhaps at another time we could, but at this particular time in history I was three months pregnant.  I probably shouldn't be being pushing cars on a busy street in the pouring rain.  I sent her back to the event and got back into my car with cell phone in hand ready to make some calls and find a tow truck.  Before I could even begin my blind search for a tow truck another car pulled up and man got out and knocked on my window.  This was how I met Governor Ted.

Governor Ted (this is how he introduced himself) was a man probably in his late fifties or early sixties.  He was very friendly and jovial.  It turned out, Governor Ted was a retired mechanic who still had a shop nearby.  He proceeded to push my car into the parking lot I mentioned earlier, simply to get it out the way of traffic.  I thought this is where his good deed would end, for that alone was so much more than I expected from a stranger, but his generosity of spirit did not end there.

He spent some time looking at my car.  (Did I mention it was rainy and cold?)  It wasn't too long before he discovered the problem - my fuel pump was broken.  He made a phone call to a Honda dealership to get a quote on the part.  He had me speak to the gentlemen at Honda to be sure I was getting the right information.  The part was expensive.  Governor Ted proceeded to call another parts dealer he knew and again got a quote, and again allowed me to speak to the man on the phone to hear the information myself.  The second quote was cheaper.  At this point I am feeling grateful to Governor Ted but still cautious.  I don't know this man.  I'm alone in a city I don't live in.  Needless to say I had my friends down the road on high alert.

I spent the remainder of the day at the event with my cell phone close by.  Late that afternoon Governor Ted called me.  He had the part and was able to repair it in the parking lot.  I met him at my car and spent the next 30 minutes sitting in the front seat while he works away on the fuel pump in the back seat. (It's located under the back seat)  He was very talkative and chatted about his family, his homeland and his religion.  During this time Governor Ted explained to me how he follows his heart, not his mind, when making decisions, like his decision to stop and help me.

Once the work was done it was time to pay Governor Ted and give him a great big thank you, but the ATM at the convenience store in the plaza would not release my money!  Now I'm feeling a bit panicky.  How am I going to give this man his money?  I explained my situation to him and can you imagine what he said to me?  He simply said to go home to my family and call him.  He will give me his address and I can send him a cheque!  I was overwhelmed.  The doubt I was feeling throughout the day washed away.  There was nothing dishonest about this man.  He was simply helping a woman in need of help.  Luckily I have a dear friend who lives in the city and she drove to this mall with cash in hand so that I, in good conscience , could send Governor Ted on to his day with the money he had paid for the part to fix my car.

It's been a few years since this happened and I still think of Governor Ted from time to time.  I recognize I was not in a dire situation.  Had Governor Ted not stopped I would have eventually found a tow truck and local mechanic, but it would have cost me a lot more money, time and not to mention headache.  What I gained most that day was an experience of generosity and trust.  I am grateful for this experience for it has made me think more about people I see in need.  Sometimes the small gestures make the greatest impact.

Thank you Governor Ted.  I am wishing you and your family a wonderful holiday season.

Game of Thrones

It is time for me to reclaim my throne.

For too long now I have sacrificed my rightful place as queen of my castle.  I have kept open the door to the throne room and welcomed the young ones inside when in truth, I long for the throne alone. 

In the beginning I kept the door open for safety.  I needed to be able to see and hear my young, to ensure they were out of harms way. 

As time went on the door remained opened out of habit and comfort for the children, for they are at ease when they know the whereabouts of their mother.

Slowly I began closing the door, although I have not yet ventured to lock it.  In fact, the door remains open a tiny crack so that should my children need me they can reach me quickly, or I can swing open the door and call to them if necessary. 

This tiny crack however, allows for many breaches in privacy.  Many times I have had to zip up sweaters, kiss booboos, settle disagreements between siblings all while sitting upon the throne.  And the children are not the only creepers.  The family's friendly dog will often push open the door for a loving pat on the head.

I have reached a new level of frustration and have decided to initiate the lock.  I will also ensure the fan is on to eliminate outside noise and an ample supply of magazines will be at arms reach at all times.  I look forward to this new phase of my reign and I encourage all of you to follow my lead if you haven't done so already. 

Happy throning!

Poison for Breakfast

Food is complicated.

It should be simple but in today's society food has become a complex issue.

A trip to the grocery store is filled with guilt ridden decision making.  It can be a battlefield of affordability versus certified organic product choices.  A mother of three with limited income can, and often will, leave the grocery store feeling proud on one hand for all the food she managed to purchase on a budget, but remorseful on the other for the possibility of pesticides. 

I'm sure there was a time when standing in front of the apples in the produce department the decision was based more on cooking apple or snacking apple.  Today I stand staring at the beautiful yellow apples from New Zealand but will ultimately settle for the small, sour Macintosh from Ontario because I am to buy locally grown right? Better yet, I should cut out the middle man and drive up the road to the apple stand and purchase my apples from my local farmer.  Or am I to support international trade and encourage the export/import business?  I realize New Zealand is a first world nation but what of countries that rely on the export of their products to support their economy?  See, complicated.

All this without mentioning the challenge of getting a box of Lucky Charms through the checkout and into my cloth shopping bag before the other parents see and judge me.  I usually mix it up with the organic quinoa flour and large bag of whole oats.  I may even toss a package of bok choy on top for good measure.  Because, yes, I let my kids have marshmallow cereal for breakfast sometimes, but I also make their muffins with quinoa and apple sauce. 

In this overproduced market of fatty, salty food I try very hard to eat the right stuff.  I will have a sandwich loaded with veggies on whole grain bread, but I may have a side of All Dressed chips with it, and dare I say....a Coca-Cola! 

I certainly do not have the answers to save our society from this giant hole of terrible, dangerous food.  And by no means do I want to return to the "good ol' days" of food preparation involving me with an apron and probably some sort of jellied meat.

I wish I had something really insightful and inspiring to write on the topic but sadly I do not.  We have become a culture so deeply immersed in the capital world of profit that our food has changed.  There is a lot of conversation these days about our food, where it comes from, what's in it.  I'm glad.  These are conversations that need to be had and I certainly hope it is not too little too late.

For now I will continue reading labels and buying food that is real.  I will buy produce locally while in season but chances are I will still buy grapes from Chile in January.  I will learn how to prepare more vegetarian meals because it is good for us and so that I can afford the ethical beef instead of the guilt-ridden beef.  I will allow my kids marshmallows for breakfast and feed them raw veggies for lunch.  I will continue to support local farmers and visit produce stands and farmer's markets whenever I can.

I'm trying to keep food simple at my house without ignoring the real issues facing our food industry today.  No easy task.  Right now I'm off to finish my daughter's uneaten peanut butter sandwich and apple slices.  Our food is simple at our house but I didn't say anything about glamorous.  

For the Love of Dogs

We have a new family member.  He is 17 months old, approximately 65 pounds, a beautiful golden blonde colour and so gorgeous!  His name is Diesel and although he has only been in our home two weeks he already feels like family.

Bringing a dog into the family is much like adding another child.  He requires exercise, food, water, grooming, poo maintenance, extra house cleaning, and unconditional love.  But what you get in return is immeasurable!  Again, just like kids!  On paper, owning a dog sounds awful.  It requires extensive planning with regards to something as simple as a day long outing....will he come with you?  Will he stay at home?  Can we make it home in time, do we need to arrange for someone to come over? 
Your house will never be the same.  Hair will make it's way into ever crack and crevice, and meal.     

We had a six month period between dogs and yes, my floors were cleaner, but I really missed my dog.  The welcome I received from my Harley after a day out was genuine and full of love every time.  The companionship on a walk, even down the street, was comforting and relaxed.  The love he gave when I was feeling unwell or sad was heart-warming and uplifting.  I miss that old guy terribly, and of course Diesel cannot replace him but he has already brought joy and laughter into our lives. There is no doubt in my mind he will be a great friend to me, my husband and my children.

We were fortunate enough to find Diesel through a family looking to re-home him due to personal circumstances.  If you are thinking of adding a dog to your family consider adoption.  There are many dogs out there looking for a home!  I have included a link for a great rescue agency in the GTA.

www.uglymutts.com

Forest Bathing

Shinrin-yoku in Japanese, Sanlimyok in Korean

The term "forest bathing" refers to short visits to a forest for the purpose of relaxation and stress management.  In Japan this is a largely recognized form of therapy compared to aromatherapy.  Before I knew there was a term for it I always believed that time spent in nature, particularly wooded areas was therapeutic and I use it as a part of my life.

For example:  It's a busy morning getting kids ready for school,the toddler is having one of her oh-so-lovely days, you didn't sleep well the night before, and you are simply feeling grumpy- for lack of a better word.    
Solution: Pack a quick lunch, buckle the kids up in the van and head 20 minutes down the road to the conservation area.  Go for a walk in the woods, have a picnic lunch.  The result:  everyone, especially mommy, feels calm, relaxed and happy.  The toddler is tired and ready for a nice long nap and the older boy is ready for some quiet games while baby sister sleeps.

Another example:  Again, a busy day (because what day is not busy), kids were crazy all day, housework dominated the afternoon, you and hubby got into an argument.  You are feeling frustrated, overworked, unappreciated.
Solution: Put the kids to bed, find some trees and go for a walk.  Spend the time alone to clear your mind not to plot revenge and/or escape.  I guarantee you will come home a happier person.

Granted, going for a wooded walk will not solve all your life's problems but since we can't always make it in for a massage, or get away for a yoga class this is an easy way to wash away some of the stress that overtake us from time to time.  A relaxed, happy person is much better equipped to face the challenges that life throws at us, so go for a walk!